Updated: Jul 26, 2020
Everything you think about yourself is learned from the people around you. You weren’t born with negative thoughts about yourself. You didn’t look down at your cute rolls and call them disgusting names. You probably didn’t even have a thought about them. We never as adults point at a baby with rolls and call them ugly or fat, I actually think that most people think the more rolls a baby has the cuter he/she is.
I used to look down at my stomach and squeeze the fat and cry. I would tell myself how shameful I was to walk around the world looking the way I did. Why would I think this way about myself if I thought the complete opposite about babies? When I started to realize that my body didn’t equate to my self worth I began to let go of the negative self talk.
When you begin to realize your body has nothing to do with who you are or what you do in this world everything will begin to open up for you. Imagine walking down the street and solely focusing on what it is you are going to do. Before I began my self love journey walking with my husband became a mental war zone. Every time a woman would pass us I would make up a story about how my husband would rather be with her or the woman was thinking why would he be with an ugly woman like me. That is no way to live my dear friend. That is mental torture and if you are doing that to yourself I want YOU TO STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
Just like in my last blog post I talked about changing the narrative in our minds. If you didn't read it please go read it after you finish reading this one. Who you choose to be in this world is up to you. How you choose to show up is up to you, but if you are living a life where you are constantly struggling with negative body image or struggling with an eating disorder, you are forfeiting the greatest gift of all time. Your life here on earth is a blessing and the God you choose to love would never want you to live in pain.
One of the things I did in the beginning of my journey was I wrote an apology letter to myself and my body. I cried as I wrote how sorry I was for pinching my sides so hard that it would leave a bruise for weeks. I cried as I told myself how sorry I was for constantly telling myself how stupid I am. Then I got angry. I couldn’t believe how horrible I had been to myself. We always hear people say “ You wouldn’t say that to your friend so why say it to yourself?” I want to take that a step further and say you would never say that to the ten year old version of yourself. Writing this letter to myself was healing and relieving. A weight had been lifted and I knew I was ready to start loving myself and my body.
I believe there are stages to self love. The first stage being very simple- stop the HATE. You just no longer say a negative thing about yourself or your body. The second stage is acceptance and this can be even harder for some people. Acceptance to me is finally knowing that I am ok exactly how I am right here in this very moment. You accept that you are short or very tall. You accept that your nose may be bigger than you want it to be. You remove all ideas that you have to be some other way in order to feel loved or be loved. The third stage is self love. To me self love is looking at my legs and seeing power and strength as they have carried me for thirty-four years and most likely many more years to come. You are going to experience days where you just can’t get out of your funk and everything about yourself is going to upset you, and that's ok because you have the knowledge and tools to go back through and do the work. The good news is you will know how good it feels to love yourself completely and when you see yourself slipping back into old behaviors you will know exactly what to do. Loving yourself is the greatest thing you can ever do because when you love yourself you are able to love others.
Pick a date and time to write the apology letter to yourself. Make sure it's in a quiet place where you feel safe and you won’t be disturbed. Have your favorite drink and a box of tissues because after all the crying you will do you are going to be mighty thirsty! I believe in this process whole heartedly because it has done magical things for me and my life. It will work for you if you are honest with yourself. I am always here to help you and to encourage you, but if you need a little more help please leave me a comment below and I promise I will get back to you.
“ Your greatness is defined not by the light that shines upon you, but by the light that shines within you” Ray A Davis
Don’t settle for a mediocre life. I want you to dream your biggest dreams and to shine brighter than any star in the sky because you are worth all of it.
With great gratitude and kindness,